The Critical Eye (Season 1) Episode 4 The Rotten Egg Behind The Kitchen Counter

The Critical Eye (Season 1)

Episode 4

The Rotten Egg Behind The Kitchen Counter

Call it Delectable,

Call it Scrumptious,

Call it Palatable,

Call it Appetizing,

Call it Enjoyable OR

Call it Delicious, the world of FOOD revolves around these words. It spins on millions of taste buds and aromas. A watered mouth or a mouth watering recipe be it anyway, is a sign of a well made dish. But how do these innumerable recipes come to us? Through our own knowledge, experience, internet and the most common of them all are those countless food channels and programmes.

These channels or shows put together recipes from around the world. But how convincing does the food sound and look to us totally depends on the people who bring them to us. There are many chefs who host different food shows, or chefs who own food channels, home cooks who have amassed popularity to unbelievable perimeters etc. If all is so good and hunky-dory about these food masters then why is THE CRITICAL EYE hawking them? It is because it seeks to scoop out rotten eggs who make us look like fools; those who stand behind our kitchen counters and make us believe that the useless recipes they prepare are not worth our time.

The critical eye will begin with mis en place of the matter. With the rise of exclusive food channels in India especially, what is looked at is, quantity and what is ignored is quality when it comes to these channels. Foodfood channel in particular stirs a number of programmes catering to a variety of food types. It then tempers them with hosts who are essentially no chefs in real. Well, you really don’t need to be a chef to host a food show but the brewing requirement is, you should atleast know how to cook.

Sad it is, but the viewers get to taste the burnt cookies. At first what laced the thought was to keep the rotten eggs cased but then the whole purpose of writing what is intended would be lost. To start off with the non chefs on Foodfood channel; Mummy ka magic is a show that plates up recipes for kids is a nice concept but what about the worthless drama that the host; Amrita Raichand puts up. Not needed lady!  While watching one of the episodes where she makes Brownie is really worth a watch(funny side intended). Everyone on earth knows the fact that brownies are suppose to be gooey, fudgy and soft. However she messes up the batter and then the result is hard, hard, rock hard brownies. While she struggles slicing them up she tries to convince the viewers that brownies are hard so it gets difficult to slice them up. She however is herself not convinced with the fact that she endorses to a not so stupid audience. This was just a trailer of what actually she cooks and presents. 

Another well known chef Ajay Chopra hosts Hi Tea. A recipe as simple as the masala tea which should include spices, milk, tea and sugar ends up being a cup of hot chocolate. Milk goes in the pan with spices and out of nowhere springs up chocolate which is added, stirred and served. If I am not wrong, Chef you were making tea? Another of the lovely chefs tries a Ghevar, a traditional Indian sweet that lands up as a big PAKODA in the plate that he garnishes with strawberry crush. WOW!!

Rolling through one kitchen to another we now land on ZeeKhana Khazana, which is not behind in airing shows and hosts like this. Not so chef but still a chef Ripudaman Handa the winner of Masterchef. Many of us, remember him and it was not a surprise to see him hosting Firangi Twist on this channel. The disappointment hits the viewers when he starts speaking what only he can understand.

 Cheap attitude that can’t be called even an attitude is dominant throughout the show. Neither the diction is clear and a stance that conveys to its audiences’ that he is obliging them by making that dish. Seriously he needs some rigorous brushing on his skills, especially the ones that relate to hosting. Absolutely shit. Just like mummy ka magic on Foodfood there is another mummy on Khana Khazana who is shitting at the audiences. Since I had seen how are banana toffees made by a Chinese chef, I quiet knew the tricks.

 

Madame, Gurdip Kohli Punj the host of Baccha Party made banana dung’s literally. The banana toffee looked like homemade pakodas which she covered inadequately with sugar syrup and dunked them in cold water. Result, soggy banana pakodas half mushy half sweet. These shows are not aired live then why don’t they rectify mistakes like this. When something is put for a food show it should by all means look and mean perfect. You are trying to convince the viewers of what is shown, is, meant also. But by seeing all this I have to disagree.

We as audiences give them our time, energy, emotions and definitely TRP’s. But for what? When you can’t cook a single recipe as it should be then for what are the audiences’ indebted to see you. The bright side of this conversation with you all is the fact, The Critical Eye hates the bad and loves the good. Yes, our primary source of information on food these days rests on the presentation of these so called chefs or presenters. Hence, it should be their moral duty or if I say at least for maintaining the authenticity or aesthetic appeal of their show which makes them millions.   

   

By stating all that I by no means say, that there are no genuine food shows but there is definitely paucity of them. I won’t put up the names of those food channels that I love because I don’t want to sound pre-biased. Would love to talk about them in a different post, but to end this episode all I intend to underline is, food recipes are subjective but true cooking is objective. How you flavour them totally depends on ones taste and liking but the method of dishing out authentic cuisines is by making them right. 

Dear food channels many people look upto you for the right, choose the right populace of hosts to convey the love for food to the world.

The Kitchen Chimney Season 1 Recipe 2. (POTATO ROLLS)

The Kitchen Chimney

Hellaaaa!! Hunks and Dolls………..You are again welcome to easy, yummy and delightful recipes straight from my kitchen. And today The Kitchen Chimney tells me, that it has something deep FOR YA… ;) Oh Yeah, Deep Deep …Deep fried POTATO ROLLSsssssssssss…… So let’s just get right into the recipe.

POTATO ROLLS/

n ALOO GULABJAMUN/       

n ALOO KOFTA/

n POTATO BALLS

You can call the above recipe with any of the names mentioned above.

This recipe calls for more prep time than cooking time.

INGREDIENTS

v     Boiled and peeled Potatoes 500gms (Quantity can vary as you increase or decrease the number of servings or people you make for)

v      Onions (5 medium sized) peeled, finely chopped

v      Green chilly (one), finely chopped

v      Peas (a cup)par boiled

v      Carrot ( a cup) peeled and grated

v      Bread slices (7-8)

v      Chick Pea flour if required (The bread should do the   trick but in case it doesn’t, then you can use a little chick pea flour.)

v      Fresh Coriander/Cilantro (a small bunch) washed and finely chopped

v      Ginger ( half an inch piece) finely chopped

v      Garlic (only if you like it as I do) 3-4 cloves

v      Lemon Juice (A big one, in case you can take the sourness of lemon, otherwise a small one)

v      Oil for Frying

SPICES

v      Salt (as per taste)

v      Black Pepper Powder (half a teaspoon)

v      Coriander Powder (One teaspoon)

v       Mango Powder (Quarter )

The MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT “LOADS OF LOVE” J

METHOD

v      Grate boiled potatoes in a large vessel because you need to incorporate the other things in it as well.

v      Make sure you take starchy potatoes because they give you the required texture.

v      The most important thing that you should keep in mind before adding grated carrots and onion is, do squeeze out all the water before adding them to potatoes, otherwise water present in carrots and onions will make the starchy potatoes soggy and unmanageable to work with.

v      Par boiled peas, chilly, fresh coriander, ginger and garlic would be added next.

v      Then add all the spices mentioned above and lastly add lemon juice.

v      Your mix is partially ready. Now dip the bread slices in water just a bit, squeeze out the water and crumble it in the potato mixture. Believe me guys there is absolutely no need to trim the bread’s edges off.

v      Now this step is totally dependent on how your mixture has turned out to be. If the mixture seems firm enough then it is good to go. But in case you feel the mixture feels mushy then add a tablespoon of chick pea flour to it to give it that body.

v      Scoop out some mixture and roll them into either balls or cutlet shape, big or small totally your wish. Grease a large plate and place your potato rolls on it and refrigerate it for about 3 to 4 hours, and a minimum of 2 hours before you fry them.

v      Now this is a kind of trick that will not help the potato balls in retaining their shape but also won’t split in the oil. This way, frying them becomes easy and you get a shapely cutlet or roll.

v      Final step is to fry these rolls on a medium heat till golden brown. Remember if you fry them on a high heat they will burn on the outside and will become soggy on the inside. In case you fry them in lukewarm oil they will absorb a lot of oil and would taste too greasy. The key is to heat the oil right.

v      Take it out on an absorbent paper or a simple newspaper, whatever you get handy in your kitchen and enjoy it with ketchup or chutney.

The Critical Eye (Season 1) Episode 3 The Psychology Behind Facebook Inflicted Photo’s

The Critical Eye (Season 1)

Episode 3

The Psychology Behind Facebook Inflicted Photo’s

The world of photographs or snapshot have gone a psychedelic change, right from the inception of Facebook. Bamboozled are you? Don’t be…I am going to explain that in a jiffy. How was our perception to kodachrome or photos as we commonly know before we had any Facebook?  Stand still, smile, if more, than say CHEESE and Click, that was the way. If you recall that nice, than my work stands half done. Because we all know what photos today are clicked like and what they mean like.

Hard copies of snaps, in bulky albums categorized as marriage albums, trips etc adorned our almirahs back then. But the most surprising thing is that “back then” is not back then, it was a recent activity which took a deep twirl was only and only for Facebook. Our pictures turned picture perfect when we decided to display them for people we barely knew, to people we live with.

Facebook basically gave us a platform to flaunt and publicize what we had to or what never existed. Whether we have anything to show-off or we didn't but the desire to blow our own trumpets didn't die. And here emerges the braggarts’ beating their empty vessels for the world to notice. Everyone on Facebook suddenly became an ace photographer, clicking what was ordinary to what didn't need a click too. From pictures in a park to bedroom, to what you ate and even bathroom were displayed as display pics. What the hell?...really people?

Ugly guyz and gals became studs and babes with deception pics and the desperate lot clicked every pic with the opposite sex posing as their beloved. One strange thing that I noticed and couldn’t just waive off like that is the fact why do girls on Facebook take pictures in a way that is very suggesting. By that I mean very clearly that they pose with their brothers like posing with their BF’s and definitely not like with their brothers. I know I am making a very strong allegation or comment but for those who like to understand what I am trying to tell, will not find it difficult to take and agree with.

To the entire populace on Facebook, folks you don’t have to just click anything and post on fb, you dont have to post a pic of POOP and expect a hundred likes and comments on it. What flabbergasts me is the fact that,  not only there are people clicking shit but there are people who really invest time in looking and commenting on that.

Then there comes the special category of matrimony dipped couples. No matter whether their husbands are all syrupy in series of affairs and wives are cuddling with hunks outside their nuptial knots, the pictures will all be in glory and grandeur of the infinite love and bonding which in reality doesn’t even exist. These Kodak moments all falsify the veracity of hideous relationships underneath. When people who know them, look at that fake cinematization they think exactly the same what I am writing.

So much effort and time that stay invested in all this Facebook drama is to create a chimera around the masses that either don’t know the facts or who don’t know them at all but must  think highly of them. By merely looking at the pics for which they pose. Life may not be a hunky-dory but the Facebook pictures are.  Each and every aspect of our lives is embroidered into larger than life scenarios on Facebook and the medium, PHOTOS.

Life is lived outside pictures, and definitely not on Fb. The surreal world of Facebook is yet to come as an exclusive topic on my series, but I will love to tell my readers that pictures don’t make life, they sure make memories. But do you want your memories’ to be all LIEs or truths that would make you happy and nostalgic in future.

No matter how much you can dupe anybody by posing flawless in your FB photos but your real KODAK moments don’t need a validation from the world. They made you blissful when you were in that moment and made you happy when you remembered them later on. Hard copies of real and joyful moments kept till infinity for your loved ones are more priceless than infinite soulless clicks for mass display.

String your real moments and make them feel loved.


Episode 4  of the Critical Eye  will scoop out the very usefulness  of the hosts/chefs of Food channels.  Don't forget to appetize  your mind platter with your very own The Critical Eye.

Comedies And Tragedies Of A Morning Walker !!!!!!!!!!

Comedies And Tragedies Of A Morning Walker J L  

Each one of us might have walked the morning at some point of our lives. Whether your morning walk routine lasted a week or a month you must have come across some significant patterns that gyrated around your morning walk experience. My morning walk took tosses and turns almost every day. New comedies and new tragedies’ cropped up like inevitable pimples every morning.

       To begin with on a lighter note, if I started early then the very sound of my shoes brushing against the side tracks of the tarred road which are rutted and uneven produces the sound of an award winning horror movie background score. Now to tell you, this score not only pumps up your heart rate out of fear on the lonely dark lanes but also alarms the street dogs that rush at your existence without any warning. 

You may never know from where will a mad bad canine will come running to greet you good morning! On your leg…hehehehe…!!!!! For safety reasons I like to carry a stone in my hand that hides in my palm but easily comes to grip when I want one.

Roads in India are filled with dirt and dust while the sides of the roads are either filled with oodles of garbage or heaped with construction materials. 

Especially gravel and cement and miles long iron bars that itself will create hurdles for anyone walking as compared to foreign countries that deliberately spread sand on tracks and create hurdles for the walker to increase stamina and resistance. Sometimes I tell them in my head, why don’t you jog the Indian roads, you can save a fortune by overcoming these natural man made obstacles. :)

The dawn road is generally embraced by transport trucks or milkvans. So if you think you have decked up your hair in all its glory then let me tip you off with the truth that your long flowing tresses can anytime swirl up like a nest by the passing truck. Not only will it break the morning silence with the sadakchapp song “TU LAGAWE JAB LIPPEEESTICK, HILELA SARA DISTRICT” but can quickly transform your hairdo to hairWHO with its maddening speed and the dust it will leave in your hair and mouth is certainly not tasty.

A new-fangled trend with dog owners or I should be saying rascality of people who want to own dogs but do not know how to keep one is that, they will leave their dogs out in the open at crack of dawn at the expense of the walkers. Unleashed, totally free to go and bite anyone they see, remains the instinct of these dogs whom the dog owners recklessly leave and go to sleep. Either you are lucky that the dog didn’t bother to target you or you escaped tactfully or all this rubbish leads to a brawl between you and the dog owner that ends with all nonsensical argument by the owner. So either you step out like a thief to save your ass from the dog or you beat the canine up and have a mouthful of fouls in the morning. Choice is yours. 

In nexus to this dog drama, another fascinating fact that has surfaced is people will come roaming in the parks with their dogs without any leash to handle the beast and if they come near you they will stand like retards and instead of handling their dog the first thing that would slip out there nasty mouth would be, “don’t worry, it has been injected ”. I feel like pulling their tongues out right from the core when they say so. What the hell do you mean by that, your dog has been injected so there is no problem, even if it bites you. Asshole, instead of taking the dog by the strap to keep it in limits you are telling the walkers to worry NOT, BECAUSE YOUR DOG HAS BEEN INJECTED. A BIGGER DOG WALKS THE FOUR LEGGED. That’s what I see in the parks if you wish to miss the roads and hit the parks.

 As a girl the tragedies of me being the morning walker is the dark fact that not only I have to keep myself guarded from all the comedies that I just mentioned above but also strictly safeguard the girl in me from the tragedies that have erupted on every news channel and journals. The very sight of a human figure in the dark doesn’t inspire me to deep breathe for health but activates all my senses to be cautious of any forth coming danger. 

My heart pounds and body shivers although the exterior of me portrays me as a strong girl who is ready to take on anything. By saying this I do not mean to demean my strength or power but the oscillating thought of any unforeseen danger for a girl surely pendulums in the mind. Such is the reality of a morning walker especially if you are a girl like me. I am not saying that men are crime proof and nothing can happen to them but girls are surely at a much higher risk than men.

As much as I want to keep writing on this, I will end my conversation with you on this topic on an easy breezy note. Till date due to unavailability of toilets, a large part of the uneducated populace still attend their nature’s call on the side of the road, near the bushes, behind the car etc. 

So, if I am the morning walker, I will clip my nose with my fingers to avoid that toxic smell to enter my lungs. But what bamboozles me is that, half of my way my fingers clips my nose because of the unhygienic release of waste on the road and half of the way to avert the garbage stink, than will I even breathe through my nose in the entire journey? By doing this I am strained from breathing healthy and fresh and thereby half of the purpose of my morning walk gets defeated. The remaining half is directed in being cautious against street and domestic animals and a little bit relief that could have been left is consumed in the fear of the unknown. All this compels my nerves to pump harder and cogitate if a

MORNING WALKER CAN EVER WALK THE WALK AS IT IS MEANT TO BE?????